Q: What's blue and f*cks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the ?battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

Q: Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A: Better traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?

A: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A: Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry it.

Q . What do you get when you cross two black people?
A: Your ass kicked.

Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q: What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

Q: What's a mixed feeling?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A . Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A: Look inside your pants; if you have a dick, it's not time.

Q: Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A: They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it.